First lemme just say I happen to agree with Jay. Falling in love is seriously hazardous to your health. Especially if you have a vagina. I swear that evil thing makes women bonkers. Yes I’m a woman and yes I have a vagina and yes I’ve already proven I’m bonkers. Moving right along….

Jay and I are very different ppl. He once asked me why I was so angry. And that my readers would always expect me to play the bitch character. Ummmm…character? Baby I’m all bitch ok. I’m not playin. We cleared that up right away and he still is willing to talk to me..knowing fully that it’s not going to be anything nice. Jay is apparently sort of a “hopeless romantic” and as you all know…I am not….prince charming can suck my ass.

(This is how hazardous it can be….you could end up mean and bitter like me)

Although I agree..there’s a difference in loving someone and falling in love with them. I also agree that falling in love can be hazardous to ones health. Jay has studied “love” and the behavior that goes with it…I haven’t…i’ve simply, unknowingly proved jay right. (You’re welcome Jay) I’ve turned a blind eye, overlooked things, let shit slide and fell in love with what I thought he could be and not what was looking me in the face(mr meth had potential before meth..complete waste of a very intellegant person. Meth destoyed any shred of the man I once knew) Ive made these mistakes and it has proven hazardous to my health. In the aftermath of mr meth and the alcoholic there were times I knew the only reason I was getting up on the morning was for my daughter…there were days when I believed she would actually be better off without me. I couldn’t fathom ever not feeling so down. I scared myself and it sucked.

(depression sucks….just sayin)

Years later, having survived “falling in love” with the wrong people and for the wrong reasons….i’ve learned to keep my eyes open and set my standards higher and to not “accept” things…if ya don’t like it now, you’re not going to like it later…..ignoring it wont make it go away…if this one isnt “the one” who the fuck cares?! Move on…without all the psycho drama….nobody likes that shit. life does not hinge on happily ever after…although THAT is probably where Jay & I differ the most. That and hes trying to improve people and Im….well….Im just not:)

Frankly, I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

Instead of running around searching for lust or “butterflies”, I can look deeper. Now I know when to let go, instead of clinging to something that is no longer good for me simply because I thought it was “meant to be.”

Society has so many of us tricked into looking for something that doesn’t exist. Life and love are not like the movies. There isn’t always a perfect ending. Relationships are full of ups and downs; people are full of flaws. Just as you said, real love is embracing all of that and still choosing to love someone else, unconditionally.

The sad part is that most of us have to go through a life changing, heart wrenching break up in order to finally wake up and discover what love really is.

I admire you for the work that you do and the commitment you have made to help others discover what you have. Your honesty is refreshing and just what the world needs.

Jenise- You’re my everything. Love you.

Carl- Great point, as always. Sometimes it’s tough to examine our own feelings with logic instead of thinking that love is some magical experience that transcends all comprehension, but I truly believe that it’s a man’s job to master his emotions and fully understand his true needs and desires. This level of self-awareness will lead to a deeper connection with the woman he chooses to spend his life with.

Sarah- Very cool. I was attuned for Reiki myself years ago. The entire concept still blows my mind.

Cindy- Thanks for adding your two cents, sweetheart. I have to hand it to you… even with all the ups and downs, you’ve been REALLY committed to making your relationship work and that’s nothing to sneeze at. Btw everyone, check out Cindy’s awesome articles at: http://definitivediva.com

Christina- Good points. I wouldn’t say I’m now devoid of emotion lol, but I know how to manage the negative feelings and get them under control before they get control of ME. And when my significant others get upset, I still get knocked off kilter occasionally. I think it’s perfectly normal AND healthy. I’m not too sure it would be fun going through life like a Dexter. I totally agree that we should find balance somewhere in the middle.

Ellie- Thanks.

Jesse- Thanks for the kind words. They mean a lot to me. And that’s awesome that you and Kazu are still together. Congrats.

Blanche- I believe that passion and love can last forever but it takes an equal amount of work on both sides. If your partner doesn’t want to meet you 1/2 way, things are almost guaranteed to fade over time.

It has been about six months since you helped me get my girl back. This is by far the happiest we have ever been with minimal drama. Thank you!
This article is full of truth, but can this choice to shower a person with affection really transcend the love drug?
I hope so, but I think we humans, or at least I, have a lot more to learn.

Thanks again Jay,

I always think about how much you have helped me, and am trying to find a better way to repay you.

In life it seems one thing is universal, balance is key. One extreme of seeking out the highs and lows to get that “love high” is not good. However, at the same time being devoid of emotion at the polar emotional opposite is not good either. A healthy balance in the middle would be key.

I just hit the 5 year mark in my current relationship and have to admit, I started giving up after 3years. Everything becaming clearer to me, as if my “blinders” were removed and I wasn’t overlooking all the things I would’ve while in the infatuation stage. Luckily I have also come to recognize this pattern in myself and try to evealuate my relationship based on “what’s important to me” and not based on a “chemical reaction” that I can only get from a break-up and make-up.

Being in love is a wonderful thing, but not if the foundation of this love are unhealthy agendas, manipulation, intimidation,and obsessive-compulsive tendencies. Love can be achieved in a healthy manner, and that requires work, not only on the relationship, but on one’s self. And most people are not willing to put in that much work examining themselves and their mates. It’s easier to “order Chinese food” than to pull out the pots and pans and prepare a healthy home-cooked meal.

All-in-all, I agree with what Jay has to say. I interpret his assessment as one that needs to be taken into context. Basically, he’s saying that falling in love isn’t healthy if it’s not accompanied with a healthy level of perspective and self-awareness. And in that light, Jay is 150% correct.

I know from personal experience that love of another has to be balanced with not neglecting your own needs. You don’t have to be married forever to understand the opposite sex and what makes them tick!

To know that someone loves you completely, including all your flaws – like that Alanis Morissette song, “Everything” – that only happens in relationship that is past the infatuation stage. What you are talking about is just so much healthier than infatuation. And you are right. We need to be able to let go when a relationship is no longer good for us and do it with love, not hate and bitterness. Thanks for this post. It’s a very positive message. I hope lot’s of people read it.