I recently got to watch a breakup between a husband and wife unfold on Facebook which played out like a mini soap opera. What made it especially interesting was the fact that the guy is a pickup coach, very similar to that guy Mystery from the VH1 show “The Pickup Artist.”
I wanted to comment on this breakup for two reasons: one, because I wrote a book on breakups and love studying them and two, because I feel you can usually learn something by watching how these situations play out.
So here’s what happened:
After logging into my account a couple of weeks ago, I noticed that my most recent update was from this guy’s wife (we’ll call her Gina). It read something like, “I’m newly single and hate all men. I’m turning lesbo.” So far, so good (I fully support all women who want to switch teams). But then it started to get a little out of hand.
Every couple of hours, Gina would update her Facebook status with more blurbs about how much men suck and how badly she was hurt. Eventually, she committed a common, but MAJOR no-no: she started publicly attacking her husband’s character (in a subtle, but still very obvious way). Her next comment was something like, “Men, you should never take advantage of a woman’s insecurities and make her feel worthless and small. It’s not right to beat someone down emotionally just to keep them from leaving you.”
Now what most guys would do in this situation is to immediate address whatever their girl said by posting their own public comments (a really bad move, btw). The pickup guy did a good job of holding it together by ignoring this, as well as hardly posting anything at all having to do with the breakup.
What he DID do was put up a post that included a short story from the book “The Mastery of Love” by Don Miguel Ruiz (a book that EVERYONE should read. I’ll post the link to the story down below) and addressed it to about 20 different smoking hot girls in his Facebook account so they would read it and hopefully post their comments on his page. Since it was a good story, he received favorable comments from the girls which I’m sure evoked some jealously from Gina (I’m 90% positive she was following all the action on his page).
Note: Please don’t think this is a magic story that will win you your girl back, no matter what. If I was coaching him, I wouldn’t have recommended that he post this.
Anyways… I don’t normally get involved in people’s relationship issues unless they ask me for help, but since Gina seemed to be hurting really badly, I decided to send her a message. I explained that I had created an exercise (which I wrote about in my book) that helps eliminate the emotional pain of a breakup. I told her I would be happy to send her a copy if she wanted help dealing with her situation.
Long story short, after sending a few emails back and forth it became obvious that she didn’t want any help, but just wanted to talk to everyone and anyone who would listen (very typical of someone going through a breakup). I didn’t offer Gina any advice, just listened, and she ended up telling me a key piece of information: she’s broken up with this guy many times before but she always goes running back.
After hearing this, I knew how this story would end and I was right. A couple of days later, they were back together. Unfortunately, I still don’t know the particulars of how he got Gina back… since we don’t have any mutual friends, all I had to go on was what they posted on Facebook (which wasn’t much).
So now that you know the story, here’s what you should learn from it. First off, no matter how upset you are with your partner, it’s never a good idea to emotionally explode on a public forum, since you will almost always regret it later. While I can easily list five problems that may have resulted from Gina’s actions, here’s the one they should both be most concerned with:
It’s safe to say that most people who own a business will use their Facebook page to promote it, especially if you’re in the “pickup” industry. So let’s estimate that at least 60% of this guy’s Facebook friends are either current or potential clients. And since his wife also helps out at his bootcamps, we can assume that most of his friends will also request her as a friend which gives her about the same percentage of current/potential clients as friends.
With this being the case, do you really think it’s a good idea to give off the impression (to everyone reading) that your husband is the type of guy who mentally abuses and manipulates women…. especially if he makes a living from teaching others how to attract them?
I’m sure that when she made these comments she had no intention of taking him back, but now that everything’s smoothed over, she needs to realize that she created some major problems that aren’t going to just disappear. Personally, if I was considering taking a bootcamp with this guy, I would certainty think twice after hearing some of these accusations.
A similar thing happened to the Mystery guy who I mentioned earlier. Supposedly, he ended up having a baby with a Vegas stripper who just so happens to periodically tear into him on Facebook (she also goes back and forth, like Gina, between loving him and hating him). One day, she’ll be going on about how Mystery’s such a huge douchebag and the next day, she’s all happy that they’re together. Again, having a girlfriend (or baby momma) who treats you like this isn’t such a good thing… especially when you’re in the “make women feel good” business.
Let me end this by saying that everything I just mentioned is my personal opinion and I’m not making any claims about any of the parties I’m writing about. The pickup artist guy might be the nicest person in the whole world and his wife could have been exaggerating everything. I really don’t know, so I’m not passing judgment on anyone. But regardless of the actual facts, I hope you can see that airing your dirty laundry in a public setting is something that should avoided no matter what.
In fact, it’s a good idea to ask your boyfriend or girlfriend to read this post and then promise that no matter what happens in the future, you will never purposely try to use the beloved electric friendship generator known as Facebook, to destroy each other’s reputations.
And speaking of promises, here’s the link to the Don Miguel Ruiz story: excerpt from Mastery of Love
Till next time…
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