Valentine’s Day is almost here and in case you’re not aware, I have some serious beef with this pseudo-holiday. In fact, I’m on a mission this year to destroy it once and for all.
Pretty strong words from a relationship coach, I know. But I have a very good reason (50, actually) for wanting to wipe V-Day off every calendar on the planet.
But before I go off on a 45 minute rant, I want to hear your thoughts. How do you feel about V-Day? Do you love it? Hate it? Can you take it or leave it?
Please post your comments below and let me know how you feel. Bonus points for any V-Day disaster stories that will help fuel my rage. 😉
P.S. Check out my follow-up podcast: Valentine’s Day Sucks!
-Jay
Hate V-Day! Expectations are over the top & because of all the years of abuse no man will ever be the same! Men now are afraid of miss stepping & the industry takes advantage of that. And because of that men think that as long as they do good for V-Day they can go on auto pilot for the rest of the year. Is there no in between? One more thing, why is V-Day all about men doing for women? Where is the equal partner thing?
I HATE Valentines day. It’s a lose-lose situation. When you’re a kid, there is always the fear about who won’t give you valentines cards. As an adult, if you don’t have a partner, you feel like a loser. If you are with someone, the expectations you have for the date usually fall flat.
Worst Valentines Day – First VD after my divorce, I went to dinner with friends from a divorce support group with the intention of remaining cheerful that day. While we were eating, a waiter brought a couple at the next table two glasses of champagne, and when the woman drank hers, she found an engagement ring at the bottom. Her date proposed, and she accepted. Everyone cheered loudly in the restaurant . My friends and I got up and left.
Not a fan of V-Day. Its just a day for Hallmark to make more money. Also, in agreement with the above post, it makes others as kids feel bad when they don’t get one. I don’t understand why everyone makes such a big deal about it. I think one time my friends and I just had dinner together instead. We didn’t need any guys!! 🙂
I’ve never celebrated Valentine’s Day. Too contrived. The guy feels societal pressure and the girl has false expectations.
I totally get the anti-VDay feeling…especially re: being a kid and never EVER receiving any, which just sucks more than a huge sucky thing 😉
Having said that, I now use V-Day as a force for good in the world by buying little gifts for my family members and friends, just to let them know I love them, because I think V-Day should be about all sorts of love, not just the romantic kind. And it means people don’t feel left out if they’re not with someone.
I don’t really bother with cards, but I love giving people presents, so this approach suits me fine and makes V-Day a cheerful occasion for me rather than a depressing one 🙂
I have to agree 100%…I think we should show those we love appreciation every day of the year..I know, so cheesy…but so true…Love is a very simple thing…we just manage to finds ways to confuse the hell out of it…
Cheers
Dee
VD (such unfortunate initials!) makes single people feel more alone. If you love someone you’ll show it all the time. Down with St Valentine!!!
Valentine’s day is a Hallmark holiday. In my opinion, it’s a forced and artificial holiday created by clever marketers to push consumerism.
Regardless of whether you are in a serious committed relationship or single, it simply puts too much pressure on people. The day seems unnatural, people are put on the spot to “prove” their worth to their partner by presenting the perfect sentimental gift, note or event.
I would rather someone do something romantic spontaneously for me than because they feel obligated to do so.
Valentines Day is for suckers! yeah, I said it! I like being single and for some reason, on this day, all want to discriminate against single people. Like it’s a disease or something.
If you are a couple, you shouldn’t wait for ONE day to celebrate eachother. You should be celebrating eachother all the time. I Say: “AWAY WITH VD!” LOL.
Hiya Jay,
I hate it and Im not saying that just because Im single at the moment as I hate it when ya in a relationship as well theres too much pressure on ya to be lovey dovey….. puke lol ;-)you always feel either let down or that you’re a let down 🙁 surely it takes away any spontaneity as well!
Last year I had just starting seeing someone at Christmas so we were still in the early stages of dating by Valentines day and certainly werent ‘in love’ so I remember calling all my friends to see if they thought I should buy him a card or present or anything at all… and if I did buy him a card would I write ‘love from’ on it as I totally did not love him and knew it wasnt going to go anywhere!! Anyway general opinion was to not get him anything but I just got him a card in the end. I did write love from on it, but Im glad I did as he had wrote ‘love from’ on his card, he also got me a rose which I thought was real sweet of him…. anyhoo we split up the following weekend hahaha…. but why should society dictate to us when to be romantic surely if ya in a relationship ya should be making an effort and doing nice things for each other all the time not just on the 14th of February its ridiculous!!!!!!
In hindsight it may have been because of V’day that we did split up so soon because it forced us to think about our feelings for each other and especially me agonising over whether to write love on his card made me see the relationship was doomed… so I dont know if that was good or bad, just unfortunate that v’day fell so soon into the relationship.
Anyway rant over hehe…cant wait read your blog about it Jay….luvs ya speak soon Halle x oh ps I certainly DONT let it get me down 😀 lifes too short 🙂
I LOVE VALENTINES DAY!!! It is my Mother’s Birthday, it is my favorite holiday of the year…nuff said…LOL!
My husband said I should let you know that I buy gifts for him, my Mother, my father, and my brother. So it is not all about women! Some of us are kind, caring and sharing.
With all this anti-V-Day sentiment, I would love to be the one person who really digs it, but I must say I’ve always been less-than-impressed. The commercials and store displays make me feel VERY manipulated. I’m not a big jewelry person and I don’t eat sugar.
Number 5 above seems to have a great take on it though. We don’t really have another day to celebrate love, so why not show people we love them, without falling into the consumerism trap? I plan to bestow hugs & heartfelt appreciation to all those I love this year on V-day.
Uummm….this is pretty amusing.
I love celebrating anything that is POSITIVE so … since Valentine’s Day celebrates LOVE … I LOVE IT 😉
You’re the only one who stresses yourself out over it as you are allowing all external stuffs influence you (all of which we have no control over). Kinda sad if holidays or days of celebration make you feel so hateful but it’s no one’s fault but yo’selves. For those who feel “pressured” I think you need to re-evaluate the relationship you’re in and why you’re in it. Marketing is marketing – presenting you with suggestions & choices like it has always done. Last time I looked no is holding a gun to my head when choosing what kind of toilet paper to use – well okay, that may be the case for some. {snickering}
Valentine’s Day isn’t about celebrating LOVE JUST One day out of the year people. Just like other days of celebration – it is a day we set aside for special devotion.
I suggest get over yourself, “own it” & chill – enjoy life. If you find that you just cannot join in sharing in such a wonderful celebration of being unselfish & giving to someone on this particular day for the FUN of it – then “to each his own” – no one is going to handcuff you (oh wait strike that) it isn’t illegal to hate it like you do BUT is it really your place to ruin it for those who do believe in Valentine’s Day?
PEACE & LOVE Everyone!
I like Valentine’s Day (most years) simply because it forces men to be romantic. Kidding. Actually they should be romantic all the time. I think as a whole Vday is a marketing scheme to get people to spend yet more money.
Where to begin, let’s just say I feel the same way about Valentines as I feel about Christmas. At the same time because of my business I sort of love it 🙂 as someone mentioned earlier “people’s expectations are over the top” I personally prefer the days that my husband brings me flowers just because not because he feels like it’s his duty due to a “holiday”
You should appreciate the person that makes you happy everyday, in my business I like to suggest to my ladies that they think outside the box sometimes and try something new especially if your married. It’s so easy for everything to become so routine and expected when life gets in the way, many have children and you’d be surprised to hear of the men who feel like they are now second place to their kids.
So on that note, I think dating couples get the most out of Valentines Day – the thrill, the excitement. As married couples need to incorporate or make their own “Valentines Day” of choice, set aside that time for one another, re-explore what brought on those “butterflies” and appreciate and work on bringing out or re-awakening those emotions.
For my singles, I say enjoy it!!!! Yeah you may think it’s corny or even as Jay have many reasons to hate it, just be glad you don’t have to deal with the “pressure” for now and when that time comes create your own spontaneous days of appreciation for that special someone and it will take the pressures off of having to live up to St. Valentines expectations!
I like it – with two small children at home it’s a good excuse to have a date night and spend time catching up with each other.
As a Lincoln fan I’ve always disliked it to a point since it’s only two days after Lincoln’s Birthday. I get a little irked when people ask me what I’m doing for Valentine’s Day and then I tell them what I’m doing on Lincoln’s Birthday instead – since for me that holiday is MUCH bigger.
I guess in a way it’s a lot like how Christmas overshadows Hanukkah or Kwanzaa for some people. That’s how I feel about Valentine’s Day.
I was married 19 1/2 years, my hubby has passd. But valentines.yes for reflection..but please..even if you think you have no-one to celebrate it with..”YOUR WRONG”..you will always have “YOU”..so be your own Sweetheart!! celebrate “YOU” in the fashion you want..whether its in a nice bubble bath (or) popping the ole bubbly & strawberries.
YOU ALWAYS LOVE YOUSELF..MORE SO ON VALENTINES.
We are our own best Lovers!! Celebrate..In any way you want!! I’d like to hear how you will acheive this..It helps others, when they are lost!! God bless all of you!
In my country when i was a kid we didnt celebrate Vday at all.I hadnt even heard of it. In the course of time though VDay eventually has made itself known here and of course consumerism is rampant and there are those of us who do like celebrating love. My personal opinion is get the stupid day out of my country because being a Maori the only day thats important to me is Waitangi Day. This Day involves families and has its own controversies surrounding it
I have a love/hate relationship with Valentines Day since I arrived on Friday, February 13, 9 pm after my mom & dad had a lovely steak dinner to celebrate. I’ve kind of embraced the heart theme, had combo Valentine and birthday parties, celebrated lots of different ways. It is a drag that flowers are way more expensive that week than the rest of the year. I’ve been known to hide out somewhere so my special someone wouldn’t feel pressured to do something spectacular for either the birthday or the valentine day thing. I admit to being tickled when one or the other gets celebrated, noticed, but I try to keep my expectations low so I can be pleasantly surprised.
I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day. Growing up, my parents taught me that showing love and consideration for someone should be an everyday occurrence in the little (and some not so little) things you do and say. Valentine’s Day is second only to Christmas in commercialization (IMHO), and second to none in guilting people into “proving” their love for someone. If you don’t make someone special every day, what’s the point of doing it on some particular day. If someone is miffed that you “forgot” or didn’t do “enough” on any particular day, either you don’t make them feel special enough routinely, or they have way too high a standard or outlandish expectations of what “love” really is all about. If it’s demanded, it’s ransom, not love.
V day is a day for the card and gift industry to boom 🙂
I have a unique perspective on Valentines Day since I’m a parent.
While I’ve always loathed it as a romantic holiday, last year I received a special Valentines card from my 3-year-old son that changed my feelings.
I’ve never been lucky in romantic love but I realized I pretty damn lucky when it comes to all the other kinds of love that someone can have in their life. The love of family, of friends, of a child.
Those kinds of unconditional love are the ones we should be celebrating. Not the sometimes, or in my case always, fleeting romantic kinds of love.
I must admit….although I can be quite a cold hearted bitter little bitch most of the time….my Valentines Days have been wonderful since the PIT can color and spell! I get THE BEST cards from her and even my cold hearted bitchiness melts away when she looks at me, eyes all big with excitement, as she hands me my valentine.
I hate Valentine’s Day, why should we be required to show our love on only one day?? We should show love everyday and in several small ways, not one giant one. I think it puts too much pressure on the single people. I read that something like 80% of women have sent flowers to themselves on V-day. How pathetic are we as a society if we can’t celebrate being single, and we have to put up a front to impress others. I think, that the cute little greeting card companies, make way too much money off V-day…….I think the best Valentine’s Card I have ever received was from my mom……and she doesn’t have to buy her love 🙂
totally hate it! lol it’s just a hallmark holiday and if you love someone, you should show it everyday as if you won’t have it tomorrow, not just one day
Luvz iiit! Not because of all the love crap but its the only day people really use pink stuff to celebrate something. I luvz all the heart candy so it works for meeee! The only people I know who don’t like Valentines are the ones who never get anything. Lol.
I think Valentine’s Day is such a B.S. holiday and so commercialized, just another attempt by Corporate America to separate people from their hard-earned money, of which many have so little of right now. People are brainwashed into believing that this day has special meaning, when it really doesn’t. If you treat your mate or lover well all year long, then every day should be construed as Valentine’s day! This is a day that’s meant for stores across America to see above-average sales, much like Macy’s “One Day Sale” — next week, you will see the same sale, with even deeper discounts!
Just wanted to thank you all so much for chiming in on this (even you, Ellen ;-)). Been so busy lately that I havent had time to respond to you guys but I plan on following up with an article or maybe even a podcast. Definitely stay tuned…
extraordinary post , really good view on the subject and very well written, this certainly has put a spin on my day, umpteen thanks from the USA and retain up the good work
Hey guys… finally released the podcast I promised you. To check out the teaser, go here: http://bit.ly/8paAQf
If you want to download the full version, go here: http://bit.ly/8S4G07
Can you provide more information on this?
Thanks for the post! Great info, can’t wait until the big day comes, I love the holidays!
I think that that was really interesting. Good post!
I don’t HATE valentine’s day, but I do despise it. I cannot believe there are people out there who have fallen for this contrived pressure cooker for guys to have to come up with a way to show their significant other how much they are loved. If that can’t be done on a regular basis without some stupid day to make it special, then there are other issues in the relationship no “special day” can fix. Boycott any greeting cards, flowers,chocolate and jewelry gift-giving this year, and spend your money on something truly important. If you explain how you feel regarding this stupid day to your significant other, hopefully it will penetrate, and you will never have to be involved with it again. I feel the same with New Year’s celebrations. Stay home, drink champagne with your loved one, and have a good, safe time.
I don’t participate in V-Day, but do see the importance of cherrishing your loved ones. However, that’s something we do all the time at my house. My thoughts; what’s the need the hallmark day of it all, the herded purchases of cards, flowers, chocolate, etc? Crap, i tell ya! I am however, taking my wife out to dinner tonight. Not because of the pending “holiday” but rather to express the fact that we can go out any night for a date. We don’t need to be spoon fed some corperate BS telling us when to be romantic with eachother. And the chocolate…well I did that last night. No fancy, red, heart shaped box with substandard confectionary goods but rather a box of chocolate ice cream on a stic. Why? Because my wife was having a majour suggar craving and I knew she would appreciate it. Do we need a specific day to do all of this? I say Heck No! I do it all the time! We all should. Just my 2 cents!
I think b.s. “holidays” like Valentine’s Day are dying a slow death, as people all across this country begin to see what dupes they’re been all these years. The best thing to do on this day is to go about your business as usual — I did laundry on Valentine’s Day morning!
I truly appreciated Who Else Hates Valentine’s Day?